My hearts Desires

have you ever played the game of life?? It's one of my favorite games and I think I like it so much, because I sometimes imagine that my life would be so like that. You grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have lots of babies and grand-babies then you retire. Unfortunately my life has not turned out like that. I went through school and worked a great job and have has some amazing life experiences, but sometimes I feel like I'm still missing out. Man, I want to be married and have a family so so so bad. It drives me crazy when people tell me "don't worry your time will come God's preparing the best man for you". Gosh, am I that complicated that it's taken my whole life so far for this to happen? I honestly have no idea why God hasn't allowed me to be at a place for this to happen. Sometimes, okay a lot of times I feel like throwing in the towel and just finding someone and living my life here in the states raising my little family. Of course I know that God has called me to do greater things, but it really SUCKS. Every day I'm praying for "that man" no matter where he may be. Some would say "you need to put yourself in a place where you can find men who are called to missions". Well, I tried to do that and met a great guy who has a huge heart for missions, but isn't ready to make the plunge. I'm already making the plunge and on my way out again. Maybe I make too much of a big deal about this and I really don't dwell on it all the time. It just pisses me off when I see ALL OF MY FRIENDS getting married and already having their 2nd and 3rd child. Yes, I am soooo happy for them and I love their children and their children love me. It's just a hard place to be at times. Maybe it would be different if I were not 28yrs old. Maybe if I were like 18-or 25. It might not sting as much. I also hate it when people tell me "You are still sooo young and you can still have children" Yeah, and then people forget the reality of having children as you're older. You are at a MUCH HIGHER RISK for children to be born with Down Syndrome or many other health problems. last night I met a lady who was like "I just always knew that I was going to be a mother" she's now pregnant with her 3rd child and is a step mother to 2 daughter. Wow, I was a bit envious of her.. On the inside I was weeping and thinking "God, I've been wanting this for so long and it seems like a lost cause". Maybe some of you are reading this and maybe none of y'all are. If you are I ask that you PLEASE pray with me or for me. Pray for peace and contentment in my own heart. Pray that God will fulfill these desires.

Sarah